August 22, 2011 by Rhi
Yes, here I am. Running it at the coo’s tail as usual, as my Gran would have said. It’s been a weird old week here at Bint Manor. Ups and downs, round and abouts. But I’m still here, still breathing, and still blogging. So things can’t be that bad.
Positive Picture time:
It’s not the best quality, but this picture is basically the only one in existence of myself and both of my sisters. I won’t go into why this is, but suffice to say it was a rather lovely moment, taken when we were all together for the first time, and it made my Dad very happy. It represents how grown ups can be very silly sometimes, but forgiveness is always an option.
What did you do this week to work towards your goals? Not very much. I mean, if I sat and thought about it, I could probably find things that I’ve done that meet the goal criteria. We’re still going for walks, and I’m writing when I can. And of course I’m still going out of my way to do nice things for other people (a seven hour phone call with one of my best friends this week!). But here’s the strange thing: as I go further and further into the challenge, I’m finding that the challenges I set myself are becoming habit. I don’t have to go out of my way to find something, because part of my daily routine is keeping the house tidy/writing a few hundred words/being a good friend or whatever. Does this prove the challenge has been a success? Mmm, I’ll let you know in a couple of months, when winter sets in. Although, given the complete lack of summer up here, I’m finding myself starting to look forward to autumn – walks through golden leaves in the park. And the winter nights with both of us huddled around the television. It has it’s appeal!
2. What did you do this week to make yourself feel fabulous? Gosh. Did I do anything? I sent off a piece of writing to Life and Work, which is the magazine of the Church of Scotland, and it appears to have been accepted! So that was a bit of a boost. I’ve been wrestling with my writing for a week or so now. Because of past events, there’s part of me which wants to shy away from writing about controversial things. I don’t want to be hurt again. But at the same time, the determined part of me wants to be out there and talking about things and expressing opinions, just like I used to. But there’s little option available to me. I could take on a new persona, but that would involve an AWFUL lot of work. I’ve been The Bint for a few years now, and the thought of starting to build it up again, doesn’t really grab me. Apart from anything else, I think my writing style is so obviously mine, that it would be patently obvious that it’s me! So perhaps, in a few weeks, I’ll look at starting another blog, separate to this one, to express more forthright opinions. After talking it over with T (he’s very keen to keep me out of trouble, and away from anything that’s likely to have an adverse affect on me), I think it’s possible to go back to writing more religious and current affairs stuff – under my own name. I’ve kicked the habit of a few websites which brought out the worst in me, and so I’m looking at my writing with renewed vigour!
3. What has been your biggest challenge this week? Keeping my chin up, mostly. I don’t know what happened – whether it’s the downer of the wedding being over, or the realisation that we’re extremely skint, but I hit rock bottom in the middle of last week. I could feel the old black dog returning. I had no energy, no interest in anything. I couldn’t even be bothered cooking an evening meal, let alone eat it (and that, for me, is a real sign of problems). But T and I have been together long enough to know how to deal with this – back to the drawing board, reassess the problem, work out what the core issue is, and formulate a plan to get it sorted. So far, so good. Writing projects are under way, and my creativity mojo is slowly being topped back up again. There’s a long way to go, but I’m on it.
4. Do you need neatness and order to feel good or does a bit of untidiness not bother you Hell no! I mean, it is rather nice. And I won’t lie, there’s been several points in my life when, rather than focus on the really important thing I ought to have been doing, I have instead decided to tidy my bedroom/kitchen/entire house. Procrastination has reached a desperate point for me when I willing to get out of doing something by tidying up. I’m hygienic, but I’m never going to be neat or tidy. As one correspondent pointed out last week, after seeing my wedding photos, my hair looked a fu**ing mess. That’s me all over – I’m too busy worrying about the nice things in my life to stop and think about something as trivial as having things in the right place.
5. Would you rather be attacked by 20 duck sized horses or 20 horse sized ducks? Twenty duck sized horses. I hate birds, and ones that size would probably frighten me to death on the spot. With the horses, I could round them up and feed them grass, and then hook them up to a sledge or something. It would be brilliant.