January 21, 2011 by Rhi
I made the decision, earlier today, to remove this post. Not because I don’t stand by the words I wrote, but because of the frame of mind I was in when I made it.
A long talk with people I respect, led me to realise that my only motivation was that I felt I had something to prove. Which they’ve made me see that I don’t. I know what is true, and I know that I have done nothing wrong.
What I should have done, right back at the start, was to turn the other cheek. People may manipulate for their own gain – I can’t change that. What I can change is how I respond to that. Fighting fire with fire only destroys things.
One of the hymns we sang this morning was “Dear Lord and Father of Mankind”, which end with a verse talking about the still small voice of calm. It’s that voice I ought to have listened to. When the noise around is deafening, the only response is to speak quietly until someone listens. Otherwise, chaos reigns, and the message is lost.
I am a product of my upbringing, and I’m proud of that. I’ve been taught that to judge is wrong, and to mark other people down because of how they choose to live their lives, is not how it should be. I’ve passed judgment on no-one, and I think most people will find it hard to believe the things I’ve been accused of (thank goodness) – if I’ve been guilty of anything, it’s of being to obvious in my questioning. For that reason, there is nothing for me to refute or deny in anything that’s been posted below the line here. It’s obvious.
Nevertheless – the post has gone. I regret speaking in haste, because I felt there was something that needed to be answered. There isn’t. I know the truth, those whom I love and respect know the truth. And I’ve learned a valuable lesson – that sometimes, people don’t play nice, and that even trying to do the right thing, and speaking out for what you believe in, will result in you being hurt.
The other hymn we sang was “Fight the Good Fight”. And I’ll continue to do that. I’ll just make sure I’m more careful in future, to ensure that my fighting is done in such as way as to not rebound so catastrophically on me and those whom I love. Naivety is something I need to learn to deal with – I assume everyone plays by the same rules as I do. I am, perhaps, too open in my criticisms. But it’s the only way I know how to be.
There is no need for a charitable donation, Caro, although I appreciate the sentiment. It would seem dishonest, however, to accept when I had already made the decision to remove it. I did not mean to hurt you or cause you stress. I did try to explain that, but I suspect that in the heat of the moment, the wires were crossed. That’s fine. We can never see eye to eye. It’s no reason to be hateful.
The comments will stand for a few days, and then I will remove them too. Quite frankly, I want to erase this whole saga from my mind. I could never have believed one innocent comment could have resulted in this heartache of accusation and hurt. But onwards. Next time, I’ll concentrate on shooting the message, not the messenger.