This article is pointless. I don’t know why it’s been given webspace…

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May 26, 2010 by Rhi

Shiny new header. It’s amazing what you can find when you are awake and trawling Google for things to do.

This lack of things to do has come about because I’ve read the entire Guardian website now. Well, most of it. Well… all of Charlie Brooker and the Family and TV sections.  I used to read the paper properly, having it delivered to the door every day. But since I’m all cheapskate now, I prefer to read what I like online. Means I don’t have piles of the sport section cluttering up the magazine rack.

Yes, I have a magazine rack. What of it, hmmm?

Anyway, the other good thing about reading online is that you can comment on articles, thanks to their “Comment is Free” (CiF) discussions. Which is fab for people like me. Instead of shouting abuse at an inanimate object (namely a ‘Berliner’ sized piece of newsprint), I can subject the reading world to my rants and opinions. Which I like doing. You may have noticed.

Now, most like minded liberal friends of mine are familiar with the politics of the Grauniad. Left leaning, liberal wishywashy. However, the self sufficient hippies of yesteryear have been replaced by a new breed. Painfully hip, self aware smug bastards. Yep. People who read articles on things they aren’t interested in – things they think are beneath them – and then spare five minutes leaving a reply saying so. How po-mo. How terribly astute of them. My life is so enriched knowing that you are so far above me in the “what’s cool right now” food chain. The BEST posts, the ones which make me laugh loudest, are the ones which say “And THIS article is exactly why I don’t read the Guardian anymore!” Except… you just have. And now you’re telling us you don’t? I… don’t…. understand.

The Daily Mail messageboards are full of bile, spite and hatred. But at least they’re consistent. You know that no one is going to comment on an article on whether getting your feet wet when you shower is going to get a response saying “God, this is so badly written. You need to learn to WRITE, dear. And we don’t need to know this. If this is your idea of journalism, I’ll be buying the Express from now on!” I think Guardian readers are programmed to criticism, and perhaps feel culturally superior to others. If others are anything like me, they’ll define themselves by their knowledge and their ability to formulate a cohesive argument. In the abscence of any discussion to be had, they feel compelled to make one up. Or to make themselves out to be superior to others who happen upon the same page. Which is fucking annoying to say the least.

I like discussions, and I’ve had some fabulous ones on there. For the most part, the majority of responses give you something to work with – whether it be to agree or disagree with them. But some people seem woefully ill-equipped to deal with their opinions being questioned, and therefore refuse to give them. They choose their targets dependant on how smug they can make themselves appear.

I realise I’m probably just as guilty as the next person, in writing this article. Most opinions are contradictions in one way or another. But I like to think I’m not so far up my own arse that I can’t accept that articles can be written which might not apply to me. Hell, there’s reams of crap written about the English Premiership which I couldn’t give a monkey’s golden testicles about.

Intelligence is a defining feature of many Guardian readers. Which is why, dear arseholes, everytime you try to assert yourself by placing yourself above others, based purely on the topic of an article, I shall define you as being a stupid fuck. Just so you know.


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