January 18, 2010 by Rhi
So yeah. Hi there. Welcome. Shiny shiny new blog to read. Hurrah and all that jazz.
I need something to motivate me. I’m a creative ungraduate, and I’m adrift in a jobs market that can apparently exist without me. Thus I’m awake at stupid o’clock in the morning, sleeping through daylight hours and coming into my own during the night-time abyss full of strange websites and signed repeats on television.
I didn’t graduate because, well… I just didn’t. I was very good though. I’m consoling myself with the thought that Charlie Brooker didn’t graduate either, and he did alright for himself. So here I am, motivating myself to write about stuff and nonsense the way I do on message boards, in the mistake belief that anyone give a shit. Time will tell how successful it all is.
Let’s start with an update on my day. Well, nothing happened. I cooked food. Yay me! I wasted time on the internet. Oooh yeah, that might be interesting.
I got into a discussion on a Facebook group which sucked me in a year and a half ago, and won’t let me be. It’s an interesting group, spawned from the discussion board on a parenting website, which was set up to evade excessive moderation. It was good fun for a while, a group of like-minded people – mostly mothers – who, for one reason or another found themselves slightly adrift in their lives, and who welcomed the chance to debate things with other (mostly) intelligent women.
It quickly went from being a close group, to being a bit of a free for all. The community feel of the original site led to more and more people being invited over, until the mix on the new group was far more wide-reaching, and with a less debate-led agenda. This makes me very sad.
Instead of interesting debates on news issues, drugs, and whether it’s acceptable for small children to be eating Gregg’s sausage rolls at 9am in the morning, we’re now faced with riveting debates like “What r u havin for dinner tonight?”, “How do I cure food poisoning?” and, most amusingly of recent weeks, “When… did your kid first climb onto the sofa themselves?” Thrilling stuff.
Tonight, however, a debate did appear. It was about men using porn. The OP asked if it was correct to assume that all men used porn, and there followed a raft of posts saying “No, mine doesn’t”. This quickly turned, thanks to the arrival our resident extreme (but nice) catholic, into “Is porn bad?” Apparently, yes. Men who look at porn are likely to get involved in gang bangs, and are unwilling to please their partners in bed. Boys who look at internet porn are going to turn out BAD because if they look at it now, they’ll be scarred for life.
This is my face: :-O
I formulated some fairly well thought out replies I thought. But they were pretty much ignored (as it the wont of people who are so sure of their opinion – they just don’t argue back). My partner has never made any secret of the fact that he has, at times, looked at porn. What’s more, he rather likes it. Which is fine by me. He’s younger than me, and has a higher libido. I’d rather he looked at porn and indulged in a little self-service that have him expect me to perform to order when I would, in all honest, rather have a nice cup of Dreamtime tea, and a cuddle before bed.
The level of misunderstanding shown on the subject highlighted to me the disregard men in general are held in by a section of society. And yet, is it really their fault? Time after time there are posts from women saying “My husband never tidies the house/does nothing to help with the kids/stayed out till all hours/is generally a twat.” which is fair enough. However, the response is usually several posts saying “Yeah, aren’t men fucking useless? Don’t rely on them..” followed by a couple of posts saying “Yeah, that’s wrong. But that’s not what most men are like…”, prompting a second wave of posts telling the poster not to be so smug, and they are just one of the lucky ones.
I could be wrong, but I reckon that if a man is a lazy bastard, he’s going to be a lazy bastard unless he has a reason to change. I’m lazy – there’s very little that could persuade me to be otherwise. That’s just Who I Am. If you don’t like it, well… tough. It’s ingrained in my nature, so if you want someone who will clean the kitchen three times a day, it’s not me you’re looking for mate… sorry. So, these women have met men, married them (in some cases) and had multiple children with them. And yet… they are still astonished and shocked when balling up socks is not high on their list of priorities. Maybe I’ve HAVE been lucky in my choice of man. I’m pretty sure that my other half would happily do his share of things when it came to child rearing and keeping a house running, but we have similar ideas on what is important in life: hygienic kitchen/bins emptied/dishes washed=important. Tidy knicker drawers and clean sheets on the bed every other day=for people with no soul. If we didn’t match each other in our opinions of the minutiae of daily life, we wouldn’t be suitable life partners. I don’t get why you would marry someone, or even more disturbingly procreate with someone, when there were aspects of their personality which provoked such a strong response. I know everyone has aspects of their personality which others are unlikely to share, but there seems to be high proportion of women on there who have such a low opinion of their men folk, to the extent that they think looking at porn online means they are likely to be into gang bangs (true quote there).
These women baffle me greatly. Sorry, some of them do. There’s a fair number who don’t, whose lives have been altered by having children, but not their core essential essence. Who haven’t given birth to children, only to find an arrival of neurosis and jealousy and bitterness arriving at the same time their milk comes in.
I LIKE men. They are all different, just like women are all different. I don’t see how internet porn is a ticking time bomb for 10 year old boys around the world. My final post on the subject said that essentially, it doesn’t matter WHAT your personal taste on sex is – whether you do it with men, women, both together, or neither. As long as you have been instilled with an unbiased moral code, where you treat others as you would expect to be treated, and you are secure enough in yourself not to be forced or coerced into making decisions you will later regret, then you’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it. Go ahead and fuck that donkey.